How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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