IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
