I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
