Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
