He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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