So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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