You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
