And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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