As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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