u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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