we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Farmville is her only friend.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
