Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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