We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
