It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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