Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
