I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
