Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
