Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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