Already got asked if we're dating
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
