They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize