Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
