My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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