Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
