It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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