Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need to calm my uterus...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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