Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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