He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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