I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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