She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
im on a boat
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