Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
