If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
