Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize