Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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