That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
