I wannas sexs uuuuu
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize