Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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