I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
