Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
