Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
