A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
