Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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