he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We left the knife in your bed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
