That's intense
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
