Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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