I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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