she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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