Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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