I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
