Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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