so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
