why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
