we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize