he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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