I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
