I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
