I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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