I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
