I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
