Are we in a gay sports bar?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
