So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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