I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
