Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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