Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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