In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
