Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
