I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
