lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
