I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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