I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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