i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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