we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Randomize
