are you so shy because you have an std?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
