I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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