Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
