I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
