I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
