Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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