the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
only if we run a train.
done.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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