Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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