im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
