im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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